I am sure that you remember when you first found out about your little bundle of joy, and how fun it was to tell other people that you had a baby on the way! I know that you ALSO remember the long strings of advice (often unsolicited) from everyone under the sun about how to raise that baby the right way. Then, like all of us parents, the baby arrived and you realized that it was completely up to the two of you (in some cases, just one of you) to keep this bundle of joy warm, fed, and happy. That is a huge change in the lifestyle of most parents. Learning to put the needs of others in front of your own is often a challenge in it's own right, but learning to keep things in balance is a life long process that I am convinced none of us master.
Now, I want you to fast-forward a few years. You have made it through the diapers, bottles, and onesies... and if you are like most parents, you surround your kids with toys, books, and games that teach them about the world. Textures, colors, how things move, all of these are things that we know our kids need to understand. At this point, we just want our kids to thrive, right? To see the wonder in their eyes as they explore new things is pretty cool!
Fast forward to the start of school. At this point, as Americans, it seems like something shifts in our thinking as parents. No longer are we okay with letting our kids just discover things on their own, we begin to "push" our kids. No, I am not talking about physically shoving (well, unless they show fear at leaving for school, soccer, etc... some "coaxing" may be required) our kids, but mentally and emotionally pushing them into areas that they simply are not ready for.
I can hear the chorus of opinions beginning to form now, but please stay with me. When your baby was having an issue, and you were not sure how to handle it, what did you do? Maybe you consulted a book on children, or called someone, but more often than not, you relied on what you had seen and been taught as you were growing up. We tend to comfort the way our parents comforted us, we tend to sing the same lullabies that we went to sleep to, etc. The point is, that we tend to pass down the lifestyle we were raised in to our kids, even if our "raising" caused issues in our own lives.
How often do we base our parenting on what others will think, or what others tell us? Of course, we want our kids to represent us well, and there is nothing wrong with that... to a point. Proverbs 29:3 says, "A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth" (NIV). Of course we want our kids to steer clear of the major "sins" that we see in society, but is that enough? Is it enough to just raise "good" kids in this world?
Years before my wife and I met, we individually made the decision to follow Jesus, and to let Him lead the direction of our lives. When we met in college, and were planning to get married, we discussed what it would mean to follow Jesus with everything in our marriage, including the kids we would have some day. We had no idea what God had in store for us, but we knew we could count on His leadership. We have always taken Matthew 28:18-20 very seriously:
"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (NIV)
Our goal as followers of Jesus should not be to raise the kind of kids that we have in mind, but rather to raise our children to love the things of God, the church, and the people around them. Not just in the way they talk, but in how they live. Jesus also says this in Matthew 7:9-11:
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask of him!"
God made each of us with an innate ability to love and care for our kids. But our role as parents goes MUCH deeper than that. The spiritual part of your child's life is absolutely dependent on your own relationship with Jesus. It is our responsibility to show our children what it means to follow Jesus every day, even when the voice of God may lead in a way that contradicts what the world and culture around us tell us is "normal."
Maybe you know all of that. A reminder is never a bad thing, but let us get to the point of this article. Maybe you have been thinking, "How in the world could I be crippling my own child? I would never do that!" No, I do not believe that any parent would knowingly cause their children pain, or cause them to be crippled in any way. BUT... we do.
Our culture tells us (and by default, our kids) that in order to be "successful" we need to be the best at everything. No longer can kids just play baseball for fun, it is now treated as if every child needs to train like they are a professional athlete. We spend thousands, invest countless hours, and in doing so cause our kids to believe that if they do not achieve greatness on the court, field, etc., that they have failed.
Maybe it's not sports, but academics that we push our kids into. We begin telling them early on that they must be the best student, get perfect grades, get a scholarship, go to college, and then get a high paying job. We push them into advanced classes, college courses, and take pre-tests so that they can strive to "be the best." However, the majority of kids do not fit into that category, and feel like absolute failures.
Parents, this is our fault. We have over committed our kids to every type of activity under the sun. We rarely have time at home together, and that time is often spent just preparing to go to the next activity. We ARE crippling our own children by teaching them to value achievements over relationships, especially their relationship with Jesus. They may survive it all, but at what cost? Would you rather have your kids be continually wanting more of what the world has to offer, or would you rather them be happy and fulfilled in their lives with Christ? What about your grandkids one day? What kind of values do you hope that they have?
It all starts with us. We need to STOP over-committing ourselves, and over-committing our children. It is time to let our kids be just that... kids. We need to make the things of God, including attending church together as a family, teaching times at home about the Lord, etc. a priority in our lives. No one will do this for us, it is a decision that each of us must make. Do we really want to be responsible for the spiritual crippling of our own families? I certainly hope not. Please make this a matter of prayer with your family. Make some changes as the Lord leads you. Put the needs of your family in front of the needs/prompting of the culture. Instead of pushing our kids towards other things, begin to instruct them on the things of the Lord. I promise, your kids will thank you for it!
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