Monday, December 2, 2013

Cloudy Days

Anxiety, depression... statistically, the few weeks around the holidays are when these feelings are often the worst for many people.  Why is that?  There are many reasons for it, and they can range from sadness over being alone to being overtaxed from travel and business.

During the past few weeks, I have been pretty quiet on this blog page.  In my last update, I shared my struggle with medication, and my decision to stop taking what I had been on.  Things went pretty well until a couple of weeks ago.  Due to some health issues, stress at work, and other issues, I found myself loaded with anxiety.  Not only was it crippling emotionally, it was also embarrassing.  After all, I had just announced that I was doing better, and was off my medication.  I had to admit that once again, I could not handle all of this on my own.

I saw my regular doctor, and after a lengthy conversation decided that I should probably try a different medication.  Although I don't like taking medicine, I began a new type of medication that night.  It has helped, for sure...although I am still dealing with my anxiety.  It comes at fairly predictable times, and I can usually tell what is going to cause it.   However, I still find myself lost in the midst of it sometimes.  That makes me frustrated, as I think I should be able to see it coming and take steps to avoid it.  Maybe in time....but not yet.

Today, I find myself in a bit of a fog of depression/anxiety.  Not the kind that makes you have to stay at home and in bed...but the kind that saps you of your energy, and clouds my mind.  I know that a good portion of it is coming back to "normal" after spending a week with family and loved ones last week during Thanksgiving.  I also firmly believe that a good portion of this is a spiritual attack, as well.  I simply don't feel that I have the strength to fight this attack.  As a pastor, this is particularly annoying, as I SHOULD be able to do that.  I am so thankful for people's prayers on spiritually "cloudy" days like this.  I could use some today.

2 comments:

  1. praying for you Steve!! Dark days come to us all at times and as a pastor you are definitely not immune!!! I will be praying for you and the rest of your family! ((((hugs))))

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  2. Praying for you Steve. I have been depressed over the years. I took medicine for awhile but it's a long process. I was in a car accident on Wednesday and the van was totaled. I struggled with my feelings all week. I am very thankful the kids were not in the van and that I was not seriously hurt. I am trying to conquer fear of driving and every time I pass the intersection tell myself that is where God protected me.

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