I have refrained from posting to this blog over the past couple of weeks. I was concerned that my posts were too dark, and did not want to sound like a total "negative nelly." That, and I really wanted to write about milestone moments in my life, not just random postings about the same thing. Of course, some of you may be thinking that the "down and depressed" subject matter all sounds the same after the first post. I totally understand that. However, many of you have expressed your absolute understanding of these posts, mainly because you were/are in that same point in your life. Depression is a strong opponent, and the support of others can be a wonderful ally!
I have now been on Wellbutrin for 6 weeks. I have always hated taking medication, but I was willing to try it this time in order to get past some very dark days. One of the problems with any type of mood altering drug is that it does what it's supposed to...it alters moods. Sometimes that is a good thing, but it can also have a very "numbing" effect on your mind and body. A sense of apathy, or the general "blahs" are not uncommon. Plus, there are a multitude of physical side effects to these medications. Loss of sleep, restlessness, dry mouth, stomach cramps (and other wonderful things), and the list goes on and on. Many of you told me your stories about these medications, and I have experienced many of these side effects. So much so, that I have begun to question whether taking these meds are worth the "other stuff" that comes with it. I personally have decided to wean myself off of this medication, and see how things are in my "natural" state. Will keep you posted on how it goes.
My counseling has been going well. We meet via Skype, so that keeps me from having to drive somewhere for an appointment. My counselor is a former youth pastor, so he totally gets where I'm coming from. The first few sessions have been foundational stuff... history, past problems, current problems, etc. We are now working through a workbook that has been quite helpful so far. Making some progress there, for sure.
I am not "over" my depression, nor do I know that I will ever be completely done with it. However, I am glad to see some light again. I pray for those of you out there dealing with the same issues. I pray that you realize and know that you are not alone, that Jesus is always with you...no matter what. I pray for those of you wrestling with decisions regarding medication or counseling...that you will make wise and informed choices. Most of all, I pray that God will provide you with friends and family that will lift you up, that will listen, that will love you through even the most difficult days. Take heart...God says that He will "...Never leave you or forsake you."